GOLF, NAKED: THE BARE ESSENTIALS REVEALED excerpt

This is the Preface, Introduction, and first chapter ("Sweat the Small Stuff") of Greg Rowley’s essential golf etiquette guide, GOLF, NAKED. If a golf swing takes a few seconds to execute, and a player shoots 100, what’s happening on the course for the three hours and fifty-five minutes when players are swinging? An easy, amusing read, GOLF, NAKED is packed with tips, tales, tricks of the trade, and lessons for life that describe the 99 percent of the game that no one talks about. And it’s written by bona fide club-selling, lesson-giving, cart-washing, vest-wearing PGA golf pro Greg Rowley. He offers information and advice that will help all golfers master the complete game, including the stuff that truly demonstrates a player’s experience, comfort, confidence, and grace. The book answers such specific questions as: * Who should you tip on the golf course? * When and how is it okay to gamble? * What do you do if the players in front of you are holding up your game? * What is a sand bagger? * What’s the best way to grip a club? * How do you calculate a handicap? * When is it okay to move your ball? * If you are wearing brown shoes, What color should your socks and belt be?

“Golf, Naked tells it like it really is. is is the stuff that every golfer needs to know.” —Rich Beem, 2002 PGA ChampionGreg Rowley, PGAIllustrations by Jeremy Deming“There’s so much more to golf than your score. Golf, Naked teaches you how to ace the rest of the game. It’s flat out brilliant.” —Andrew Magee, PGA Tour golfer, host of the Golf Channel’s Big Break “Golf, Naked is a creative, entertaining, informative and very different golf book.” —Tom Perry, PGA Tour headquarters “This book does everyone in our industry a huge favor. Every golfer, regardless of their ability or level of experience, should read this book.” —Brent Buckman, club manager, Spanish Oaks, Austin, TX “Golf, Naked is an excellent reference for the newer golfer and should help educate future golfers for years to come.” —Rex Schultz, PGA head professional, Esmerelda Golf Course, Spokane, WA “This book says the things that all Pros wish our members knew but don’t like telling them ourselves. Golf, Naked does the dirty work for me in a way that’s fun for the reader.” –—Chad Stoddard, PGA head professional, Broken Top Club, Bend, OR “Greg is a decent son. His book turned out better than I expected.” —Sandra Rowley, Greg’s mom, lousy golfer and marginal cook “Golf, Naked is a perfect tool for new golfer orientation. There’s simply nothing like it out there—and it’s laugh-out-loud funny.” —Rainer Gehres, former club manager, Riviera, Los Angeles, CA, and Waverly, Portland, OR “Reading Golf, Naked definitely helped me feel more comfortable at the local golf club that I recently joined. At first I felt like a bull in a china shop; now I feel like I really belong.” —Adam Deadmarsh, NHL star, Stanley Cup winner, and Olympic Silver Medalist “In golf, I find much of the same satisfaction that I did as a professional skier. Golf, Naked puts into words something I’d only previously felt. Golf, to me, is a feeling, not the final score.” —Josh Loubek, professional skier, Winter X Games head judge “What a great book!” —Len Zamora, PGA director of golf, The Mirabel Club, Scottsdale, AZGOLF, NAKEDThe Bare Essentials RevealedGOLF, NAKEDThe Bare Essentials RevealedGreg Rowley, PGAPick It Up Publishing, LLCCoeur d’Alene, IdahoPublished by Pick It Up Publishing, LLC P.O. Box 3667 Coeur d’Alene, ID 83816 www.pickituppublishing.com CEO: Denny Ryerson President: Greg Rowley Original illustrations: Jeremy Deming Copyright ©2009 by Pick It Up Publishing, LLC All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except as permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the Publisher, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to permissions, Pick It Up Publishing, P.O. Box 3667, Coeur d’Alene, ID 83816, or e-mail permissions@pickituppublishing.com. Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book, and Pick It Up Publishing was aware of a trademark claim, the designations appear as requested by the owner of the trademark. All other product names and services identified throughout the book are used in editorial fashion only and for the benefit of such companies with no intention or infringement of the trademark. No such use, or the use of any trade name, is intended to convey endorsement or other affiliation with this book. The information in this book is distributed on an “As Is” basis, without warranty. While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of the book, neither the author nor Pick It Up Publishing shall have any liability to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the instructions contained in this book. Distributed by Greenleaf Book Group LLC For ordering information or special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Greenleaf Book Group LLC at 4005-B Banister Lane, Three Park Place, Austin, TX 78704, (512) 891-6100 Design and composition by Greenleaf Book Group LLC Cover design by Nathan Brown and Greenleaf Book Group LLC Initial editing by David Kilmer All photos throughout the book have either been personally taken by the author in his travels, or have been provided by and used with the permission of the respective courses. “Singing the Praises of Golf,” from Golf in the Kingdom by Michael Murphy. Copyright © 1972 by Michael Murphy. Used by permission of Viking Penguin, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Publisher’s Cataloging-In-Publication Data (Prepared by The Donohue Group, Inc.) Rowley, Greg. Golf, naked : the bare essentials revealed / Greg Rowley. — 1st ed. p. : ill. ; cm. ISBN-13: 978-0-9815319-5-3 1. Golf–Miscellanea. 2. Golfers. 3. Sportsmanship. I. Title. GV967 .R69 2008 796.352 Printed in China on acid-free paper 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 First Edition 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 2008907927For Denny. You’ve changed our lives. Thank you for your courage and confidence.CONTENTSPreface.xv Introduction. 1SECTION 1: Off and StumblingChapter 1: Sweat the Small Stuff. 6You Have to Start Somewhere. 7 Culture Shock. 11 Consider the Source .. 13Chapter 2: Slicing Through a Snowstorm. 15The Game of Opposites. 17 Pop Quiz, Hot Shot. 18 23 24 26 32Chapter 3: Golf 101. 23Big Rocks. The Game. The Equipment. The Golf CourseSECTION 2: Prepare Like a ProChapter 4: Prepare Like Crazy .. 38Speaking of Crazy. 40Chapter 5: If the WHO Fits. 42ixFamily . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Friends or a Regular Group . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Playing as a Single . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Looking for a Game . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Client and Guest Hosting (Part I) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Public Golf Courses. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Private Golf Courses . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Resort Golf Courses . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Money Matters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dress Code . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .42 43 45 46 48 52 53 53 55 55Chapter 6: Lost Under WHERE .. 52Chapter 7: Breaking WHEN. 62Timing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62 Course Availability. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64 Weather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 70 71 72 72Chapter 8: The Mile WHY Club. 70Practice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Take Lessons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Play . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Compete . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .SECTION 3: Now You’re Getting ThereChapter 9: Connecting Dots—Practice Range and Parking Lots. 76On Arrival . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Check-In . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Warm-Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Client and Guest Hosting (Part II) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Check Your Gear and Go to the First Tee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 79 82 85 86Chapter 10: The Usual Suspects .. 87The Golf Professional. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87GOLF, NAKEDAiding and Abetting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92 Caddies and Forecaddies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93Chapter 11: Dirty Rotten Stinking Low-Life Sandbaggers 100Cheaters. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Reverse Sandbaggers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Walk a Mile in These Shoes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dude, Abide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Golf Handicapping Made Clear(er). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .102 103 103 105 106SECTION 4: On-Course Survival GuideChapter 12: Assume the Position. 114Strike a Pose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Taking the Tee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Client and Guest Hosting (Part III) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Playing with Strangers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Classic Golf Pranks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Call to Action . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114 116 125 126 127 129 130 134 137 139Chapter 13: Gas, Rent, and Beer Money. 130Know Your Limits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Greg’s Gambling Rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Golf Gambling Customs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Pocket Pro: Golf Gambling Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chapter 14: Lessons from a Dam Builder. 143Respect Others and the Course . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Take Care of the Golf Course . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Finesse the Short Game. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Etiquette Is Not a “Sometimes” Thing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 144 151 153 158Chapter 15: Slow Play, Sunburn, and 7-10 Splits. 160The 3 Degrees of Slow Play . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161 1st-Degree Burn: How to Keep Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 163 2nd-Degree Burn: How to Catch Up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 168xi3rd-Degree Burn: Try Bowling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 169Chapter 16: Finish the Whole. 174Keep It Classy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Clean Up After Yourself. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thank the Staff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Art of Tipping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Client and Guest Hosting (Part IV ) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Take a Final Inventory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .174 174 175 175 178 180SECTION 5: Taking Your Game to the Next LevelChapter 17: Tales from an Irish Rest Stop. 184The 10 Commandments of Men’s Golf Trips . . . . . . . . . . . . . 185Chapter 18: Gas Guzzlers, Grease Monkeys, and Golf Swings .. 201What Does a Teacher Really Do? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 202 We’re All Different . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 204 What’s Stopping You? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 204Chapter 19: Whacking the Snake. 210The Pre-Swing Basics. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 211 Ball Flight Laws . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 215 Short-Game Shot Essentials . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Putting. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chipping . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pitching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . What to Do When?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Be Athletic. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 219 221 222 222 225 225Chapter 20: Get Shorty. 219Chapter 21: Horses for Courses. 227Embrace Your Tendencies—Don’t Fight Them . . . . . . . . . . . 227 The Best Thought Is No Thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 228 Understand Uneven Lies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 228xiiGOLF, NAKEDEliminate Compounding Mistakes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 230 Assess the Value of Risk. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 230 Realistic Improvement Requires Patience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 231Chapter 22: Found in Translation. 235The Rules You Need to Know . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 236Chapter 23: A Roadblock or the Fast Lane?. 249Getting a Loved One Excited (About Golf ) . . . . . . . . . . . . . 250 Ace the Smell Test . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 253 What Makes Golf So Special? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 254Glossary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 258 Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 272 About the Author. 276xiiixivGOLF, NAKEDPreface’ve had the privilege of working as an assistant golf professional, teaching professional, head professional, and director of golf at some of the country’s most prestigious golf properties. The Quarry at La Quinta is a fixture on the Golf Digest “Top 100” list, and in 2004 The Club at Black Rock was named “America’s Best New Private Golf Course.” My experiences have consistently taught me one simple, unwavering lesson about this maddening game: Preparation is no guarantee that the golf gods won’t punish you on any given day—for no apparent reason. However, it’s the preparation and understanding of golf as a culture, the sum far greater than its parts, that compels us all to love it so much. We’re all equals because at any time, on any given course, this little mistress called golf may just knock us down, spank us, and leave us lying there with our pants around our ankles. Yet somehow we always say “thank you,” and “may I please have another?” Why is this so? Why is it that you can wander out to the local golf club on a Saturday morning (or Tuesday afternoon, for that matter), spray it all over the place for five hours, lose three sleeves of balls, get a little sunburned, cough up 30 bucks in side action to your buddies, tweak your bum hip on that shank you hit out of the rough on No. 13, and then revel deliciously over laughs and stories with a few ice-cold beverages in the clubhouse when it’s all over, knowing that you just had a truly great time? I know the answer, and I believe that after reading this book, you too will better understand this feisty temptress that we all love to hate and hate to love. I’ve written this book for two reasons. First, I want to share my love of the game and my experiences in working and playing with some of the most interesting people in the world. It’s my hope that I can help novices and experienced golfers alike to better understand the nuances that make golf not just a game but a great game.xvSecond, I’m revealing these secrets so that everyone, especially my knuckleheaded buddies, will stop calling me incessantly with questions like these: “How do I talk about golf and not sound like a rookie?” “What should I wear to the private club this Thursday to play golf with my boss? I don’t want to look and feel out of place.” “How much cash should I bring?” “How much should I tip the good-looking beer-cart girl?” “Shenanigans! You said we were only playing for $2! How the heck do I owe you $30? What’s a press, anyway?” “What’s the best old-fashioned golf prank I can pull on my jerk brother-inlaw this weekend?” “How might I get my wife interested in the game?” “What’s an appropriate amount to pay my caddie? For that amount, what should I expect to be done?” “How much does a lesson cost? Is it worth it?” “Is it a penalty if I move my ball when it’s sitting on a steaming pile of animal dung?” Enjoy Golf, Naked. I promise you’ll enjoy the game more thoroughly.That’s me at the Bally Bandon Sheep Ranch. I’m much older (and stronger) than I look!xviGOLF, NAKEDIntroductionhere’s no doubt I’ve been blessed with a career that has presented many unforgettable opportunities. I met my wife, supported my family, and traveled the world—all because of this game! I’ve played on truly hallowed ground and remember many of the most satisfying shots of my life like they were yesterday. Some were under extreme pressure in front of many, while others were witnessed by only a few Jumping Cholla cacti or Ponderosa pine trees. I’ve played (typically very poorly) on every imaginable degree of golf course— from the shabby Indio Muni to the ultra-chic and impeccably maintained Quarry at La Quinta. I’ve played Riviera, Pinehurst, Big Horn, Ballybunion, Bally Bandon, Bandon Dunes, Whiskey Run, and Royal County Down. I’ve played Black Rock, Whisper Rock, Fire Rock, Red Rock, and Rimrock. I’ve designed a course at the Sheep Ranch one morning, and then played the Oregon Coast shoreline as a barefooted single that evening. I’ve played with a stick for a club and a pinecone for a ball on a sandbar island in the middle of the raging Salmon River. I’ve played two hundred holes in twelve hours and raised $25,000 to give to the Red Cross following the 9/11 attacks. I’ve even played on the surface of the moon, or at least it felt like it, amid the coastal dunes at Cairn in Ireland. I’ve taught and played with men, women, juniors, seniors, celebrities, professional athletes, PGA Tour players, and beginners, and I’ve discovered the universal theme that’s apparent at every golf course in every part of the world: Nobody wants to look stupid. You need to be comfortable on the golf course. That’s because this game can strip you bare without warning or regret—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Golf requires so much attention, and can be so utterly humiliating, that everything else must support the focused effort necessary to execute your swing. IfIntroductionyou aren’t comfortable in all of golf ’s language, behaviors, and preparations, then your willingness to dive into its depths will certainly suffer. As one of 61 million golfers worldwide, you probably share the same concerns as the rest of us. Do you enjoy the game? The camaraderie? The challenge? Have you ever felt nervous or a little unsure of what to say or do—before, during, or after a round? Do you play better when you’re by yourself than you do with your friends, family, clients, or boss? Have you ever been distracted while playing for a reason that had nothing to do with your next shot? Do you know someone who you’d like to help become more excited about the game? Most golfers fall somewhere in the middle of the bell curve—and if you’re one of “us,” then this book is for you. Golf, Naked will give you confidence. It offers the understanding that no one cares how well you play because everyone is worried about their own actions. No one ever remembers your score (unless it’s really, really good). They will remember how you look and act. These tips and techniques will help you master the rest of the game—the real stuff that truly demonstrates experience, comfort, confidence, class, humility, and ultimately, golfing grace. The goal here is simple—to help you unlock the secrets of all the little things that go into the typical golf experience. When they become second nature, you’ll enjoy your playing partners and the game more thoroughly—no matter where, when,